Monday, October 25, 2010

Staying Strong

Monday, October 25, 2010
Today I finally received news from the legal analyst.

Both me and my sister were rejected as California residents for tuition purposes.

My faith is breaking and truth be told, its getting harder and harder for me to smile and pretend that everything is okay and God is gracious and all that jazz. I won't deny His existence nor His grace because I have seen and experience enough to know He is real.

But then there comes the trying times like this and many others before this where you think its a dead end but then something good happens and you think 'God opens another door for every shut door' but it isn't long before you find that newly opened door slowly slamming shut in your face again and after a series of repetitions where you feel like you're being toyed around you start wondering if your faith was just something you made up to comfort yourself and did God really listened to your prayers and did He even care?

Have I been doing something wrong? Did I miss His voice? Am I even on the right path or is this entire life I'm living now just a fabrication of lies.

And just when I'm at the very end of my hope and am all cried out of tears, I numbly opened the Bible to today's daily devotion passage while at the same time sardonically thinking just what possible comfort could come from the book of Revelation but staring back at me were these words:

"Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution for ten days. Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life." -Revelation 2:10

Totally unexpected but everything my broken faithed hopeless self needed to hear right now.

I don't know how much more sufferings I can take but if God knows about it, I guess its alright. More bearable maybe. He knows what He is doing after all.

And till then, I guess I just have to keep the faith and trust in Him.