Sunday, March 21, 2010

So Blessed

Sunday, March 21, 2010
Today, me and my family spent the day up at Thousand Oaks visiting a family friend who is also a theological student like my dad at Fuller and was one of the many people who helped get us settled in when we first arrived.

Thousand Oaks is like a really lovely area and the house was simply gorgeous. It was a gift from his brother and I cannot help but admire at how truly blessed God's people really are. There are many stories of these people of God getting to live in simply beautiful houses where others have to work years and might still never be able to attain it but thanks to the generosity of others and God's blessing, these people get it just like that.

And then I got to thinking about my life.

Lying by the poolside where the sun was just right, the soft splashes of the pool making a peaceful accompaniment to the current atmosphere, it was one of the most peaceful moment I had in a quite a while. It reminded me of my 'old' life where the weekends were spent at country clubs and the holidays lying at beaches around parts of the world in a similar fashion. And I started to feel wistful all over again, those old memories starting to make me slightly depressed and longing for the same luxuries I used to be able to enjoy. Wondering just why we were chosen to take this current path instead. Why the rest of the other church leader kids didn't have to walk the same path I am walking now. So many questions, so little answers.

Moments later, I was jolted out of my thoughts with a call asking me to return to the house and there before us was piping hot pizzas and ice-cold smoothies prepared by the hosts. That was totally unexpected since we were already served a scrumptious lunch only a few hours ago. To others this might just be a simple ordinary event one wouldn't bother to ponder upon but I did. Suddenly, the slight feeling of bitterness was washed away, leaving behind only feelings of quiet happiness and contentment.

It's true. I no longer have the same 'means' to make my own luxuries anymore but it doesn't mean that I no longer get to enjoy them anymore. I still do. Only this time is through the means of others' kind generosity instead. Am I complaining? No. Not really. With this path, I have less freedom, yes. But I found other things instead like thankfulness, trust, faith and and tons of other qualities in its raw true form that I never really completely experience in my previous life.

I am still trying to get used to this whole new life really. From being a daughter of a successful businessman to the daughter of a future pastor. The change is really huge and every day I find myself struggling with new trials from the material to the emotional to the spiritual. There are new expectations of me from others that I must live up to and I don't know if I can. Don't know how much I can give up. Don't know what I must really do. Don't know what exactly the future holds anymore.

But so far, every time when it feels way too much and I'm about to break, He manages to come through for me with untold and unforeseen answers and blessings.

The pain of giving up the old life is no longer as unbearable as it once was a year ago and in its place springs instead an awakening hope and eagerness to see what more hidden blessings does this new life holds.

I'm still taking things slowly. One baby step at a time. But moving forward I am :)


Jen said...

beautifully written. :)

God humbles us so that we can appreciate His generosity.

cooknengr said...

It sucks to be growing up in Christina family because we don't appreciate the presence of God, we just take everything for granted as we didn't really go thru the whole processing of "I found God" .

hana said...

@Jen: Thank you. Yes, He does indeed *thankful

@cooknengr: I wouldn't say it sucks since I've been blessed to know Him without having to 'search' for years. But yeah, sometimes we do have the tendency to take things for granted which is why its good to sometimes pause in life and just reflect :)