Friday, February 27, 2009

Change of mind

Friday, February 27, 2009
For years, ever since I was 10, I held on to a fanciful dream of being someone important one day, the one at the top of the career pyramid. Attending various meetings and owning a planner book filled with pages of appointments. A summer home in Hawaii and silver convertibles. Constantly surrounded by top people who made it, it was natural to want the same.

But then as I grew older, I realized that what I wanted wasn't really spiffy suits with perfect hair tied in a neat knot, boarding endless planes to travel across continents for meetings. Not the burden of a corporation's financial survival on my shoulders nor the risk of having a boss who'll stop at nothing in the name of profit, running the risk of me compromising on my morals or beliefs. I've also come to realize that working one's life away to climb to the top of the corporate ladder doesn't equate to a successful life. That a mansion in Beverly Hills or a summer home in Hawaii is useless if one is too busy to ever enjoy it. The thought of possibly being so caught up in the work whirlwind of the corporate world, too fast for one to ever pause and just smell the flowers' fragrances and feel the salty ocean breeze against one's skin feels frightening. So I took a second look at those people's lives who I've always admire and saw for the first time, the hidden bleakness that accompanies the glamor and success. The sacrifices one must pay in return for the luxuries.

It was then I realized that what I truly wanted was a fairly simple life. A career with little stress and a certain degree of enjoyment. Financially sufficient enough so that I'll never be in need and flexible enough for me to sneak an afternoon of relaxation at the beach every now and then. A modest house with a white picket fence with a happy family complete with a cute little corgi called konkon. And if I still get a summer home in Hawaii or silver convertibles, that'll be nice ♥

But at the same time, I was afraid. Afraid that I might be losing the ability to dream, the gift of imagination. That I've become one of the many who gave up their dreams due to the stress and pressure of society instead of a change in perspective on life. Is it wrong to desire a simple life? Is that called giving up? Yet, I've really come to dislike the idea of insane work pressure like that of an accountant. And so I shed countless tears and prayers trying to find my place in life. Exactly what should I major in. What could I possibly do in the future that could give me the slightest bit of comfort and happiness, that wouldn't make me cringe at the mere thought of it. But nothing seemed or felt right.

The worse thing was that everywhere I turn, I find that everyone has found their niche in life. Everyone except me.

And I thought I'll never find mine. ever.

Until recently, out of the blue, it hit me. Only, the ironic thing was that it was something I once thought of as tedious and how there was no way I'll be taking that path ever but the more I thought about it the more appealing it became to me. And I think I may have just found something I might like.

So guess what this once hopelessly confused girl desires to be now?

A dentist.

Sure, there is the intimidating prospect of medical school (never in my life have I once consider the medical field) and its long years but I think that this career lifestyle just might be something I'll enjoy from the looks of it. I used to dislike the idea of being a dentist immensely but I guess life changes, and along with it, your outlooks. I still refuse to be a medical doctor though because my fear of cutting someone up is still as overwhelming as ever. Also, I came to understand what a truly successful life is. Balance. Contentment. A godly life. Something daddy kept harping about since forever -but I never really got- every time I equate money and career achievement to the ultimate success of a person.

Am switching majors from accounting to biology.

Of course, nothing in life is ever definite and one never know what tomorrow holds but for the time being, I'm finally at peace :)

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