Friday, August 1, 2008

Sorry I Failed

Friday, August 1, 2008
Thinking back about the beach trip, I remember your excited face, repeatedly asking us to take you to the edge of the shore to play with the seawater just once. But the rest of the family just brushed you off, saying it's smelly, we have no time, its too far etc.

After a few hours, you looked back forlornly at the sea, then at me, pleading for permission -as you knew you needed adult supervision- to go there for a second and even begged me to take you there. But too engrossed with my own activities, I'd just brushed you off with a 'later' and even when you replied with a 'but when?', I just ignored you and continued with my own selfish pleasures.

And now I cannot get that image of your sad face at that very moment out of my mind. It haunts me every now and then. I realized I should have just taken your hand and walked you down to the sea alone, together, just the two of us. I should have paused and realize how much it might have meant to you because I know the feeling all too well. I was once young like you before too, wishing to achieve something but have not the power and means to do so. The times I needed someone older to help me in realizing my fanciful dreams and wishes. And I remember that they were there for me but I wasn't for you. And that revelation hurts. It hurts so badly.

For the first time in my life, I wish desperately that I can turn back time so I can fix that wrong. You are all happy now and most probably you've even forgotten all about that incident but I can't. I still can't stop thinking of the what ifs. The precious sisterly bonding time lost. The lovely memories I could have created for you like what others did for me. And for that I am truly sorry. For failing you as an older sister.

So from now on I promise myself that the next time you call out to me.......

I promise that I will always be there for you.

10 comments:

Abi~♥ said...

one of the best posts you've written.

=)

*hugs*

hana said...

*hugs back*

JeromeFo令狐冲 said...

Wow..So *touching*
Can write one for me also?

Abi~♥ said...

how inconsiderate. she wrote this coz she felt bad bout nt being there for her sis n u wan her to post another one for u too??

i think even if u meant tht as a joke its very insensitive of u to joke bout it coz she's written her feelings down n u're making light of it.

even if hana's ok wit it, i'm not.

Anonymous said...

Yes, you are a bad sister. *sobz* you nvr written posts like that for me. I was used and abused by you as a kid. Where is your letter of apology?

Anonymous said...

but honestly...I always hoped that I had a sister that would be like the ones in the movies that would go out with me always. I guess you're busy all the time. But I guess you are still good to me. ^_^ Thanks.

(still want to know if you love me or not even tho I am very annoying.)

Anonymous said...

And, I think that, she's probably forgotten about it. Since it's been over for so long. And kids forget stuff and get all hyped up about new things. You still have a chance. Trust me! I know~ ^_^

hana said...

@anonymous: LEI IS THAT YOU??? STOP SIGNING IN AS ANONYMOUS CAN??? and omg i so totally went to watch Juno with you just now wth. And you spend 912831831 of your time with tietie and now u blame me.....

(T^T)


P/S: I nvr abuse you!!!!! Though I did swindle you out of your toys *whistles innocently*

Abi~♥ said...

haha cute! is it Leira? or ur 3rd/4th sis?

hana said...

@abi: its lei alright. haha who else got a tietie? =P and both my younger sis dunno my blog add haha.