Yoga Is Just Another Word For Unimaginable Pain

'Like what's the worst that can happen in a yoga class' indeed...

idk how about twisting your body into some sort of pretzel against your will before falling face first onto the floor and breaking your nose in the process?

Ok so I didn't break my nose (yet) but the zit there is totally flattened now. Oh yay.

So yoga is just about as easy as trying to touch the tip of your nose with your tongue. And about as enjoyable as getting your tooth extracted at the dentist. Without anesthesia.

And they say that Yoga is a good pain reliever.

Funniest joke I'd ever heard. HAHAHAHAHAHOW OW OW MY SIDES!!!

Anyway, as I was saying, yoga. Is nothing like you see on tv where everyone is all graceful limbs without breaking a sweat. Reality is...

-Feeling like an idiot when you're asked to do the down dog pose requiring you to stick your butt into the air......with like a dozen people outside snickering on their StairMaster.

-Looking into the mirror to admire your imagined gracefulness only to see a reflection of what you would look like dancing drunkenly to 'its raining men'.

-Discovering that you have muscles in places you never knew you have and twisting them into ways you are so sure its not meant to be twisted. And you know this when you hear dreaded snapping sounds.

-When asked to exude the grace of a swan, you find yourself exuding the grace of a hippo on roller skates instead.

-Falling down into a heap onto your right arm now folded at an awkward angle beneath you causing you to screech in pain thus elevating your previous status now to 'sissy screaming banshee hippo on skates' when you realized a heartbeat too late that balancing on one arm during your first yoga class in your life ever is probably a pretty bad idea.

-When you're asked to twist your arms around each other like twisted donuts...

-Before being asked to do the same to both your legs too, arms still twisted...

-While stooping...

-Before you're asked to unravel one leg and extend it backwards, one leg still in a stoop and arms still twisted....

-For TWO whole minutes...

-Whereby of course you have no choice but to FALL FACE FIRST midway through and lose your first kiss to the cold hard floor.

But nothing, nothing I repeat, could be as bad what happened when it came to the ending where we're asked to chant 'ooooommmm' 3 times.

And really I swear I tried my utmost best to refrain from laughing. The insides of my cheeks are like totally bitten into pieces seriously...

But when your head is filled with an image of a fat panda going OM NOM NOM with a bamboo sticking out from a lopsided grin it is very very very trying. All the more so when you try your hardest to push the image away while silently choking on your saliva as the people around you continue their chants and then....

STUPID PAC MAN HAD TO FILL YOUR BRAIN AT THE LAST MINUTE and really there is only so much a girl can take before she explodes into a hysterical fit of giggles.

Amidst a class full of serious dedicated yoga ooomm chanting students who are now looking as if they want nothing better but to eat me whole like aforementioned pac man.

Sigh. You know guys, I'm sure that pretty soon my gym would be paying me to leave.....